I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
