New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
