3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
