I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
