remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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