I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
