I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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