All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
