no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
