if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
