Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
