I met the friendliest cop last night
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
