My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
