She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
