If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
