So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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