But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
