your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
