5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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