Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
