someone threw a dead crab at me
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
