At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
