i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
