my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
