apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
