This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
