ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
