I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
