Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
