Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
