If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
