Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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