I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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