having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
