He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
