so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
