He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
