she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
