It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
