hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
