2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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