I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
