I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
