When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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