You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
