Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
