She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
