Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
