You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
