i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
